Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
