i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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