I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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