Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.