i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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