I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
where are my pants?
in the oven.