Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
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I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
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The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.