I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
