our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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