I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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