So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
