My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
