not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
