Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That accounts for only three of the penises
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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