I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
