I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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