You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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