But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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