So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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