New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
