dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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