East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
