Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
