There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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