I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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