Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
