I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
