i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize