I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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