Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
