Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
