between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
