Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
