omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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