no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
