it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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