Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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