so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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