Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
