hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
