Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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