He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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