she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
