Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
