Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize