My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
