Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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