u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
