Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize