I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize