Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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