Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
