she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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