yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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