I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
