how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
