wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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