she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sext me about skeletons
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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