Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
