She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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