SEEEEXXX PLEASE
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
