Just cropdusted the office
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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