If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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