Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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