thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
