And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
