he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
